


Therapy

by Laika_the_wife, Tuii



Series: Reflections [12]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Healing, Hope, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other, Sorry Not Sorry, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 15:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13343877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laika_the_wife/pseuds/Laika_the_wife, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuii/pseuds/Tuii
Summary: The final reflection.





	Therapy

**Author's Note:**

> Written by Tuii's wife Laika. Who will miss this story and characters dearly. But now their story is completed. Not over, but completed.
> 
> My Awesome!Eskild might be a reoccurring character, tho. Love that guy.

Isak raised his eyes from the October issue of Cosmo when the door opened. Camilla greeted him with a soft smile.

“Come on in”, she said, not saying Isak’s name on purpose. He put the magazine away, stood up and walked into the room.

Camilla sat down to her chair, opposite of Isak’s. She glanced at her notes.

“How has your week been?”

Isak took a deep breath in. Then he breathed out.

“Interesting. Irregular.” He hadn’t been keeping his routines. He had been too busy.

“Would you like to tell me more?”

Isak looked at Camilla. She had crossed her legs, leaning back, relaxed. Isak admired her calmness and poise. And she was really beautiful, if you were into that.

“Why don’t you just ask what you want to know?”

Camilla rested her pad on her knee.

“Interesting. What do you mean?”

Isak squinted, defiantly.

“You want to know have I hurt myself this week. And you want to know about Even.”

Camilla nodded slowly.

“Do you want to talk about either of those things?”

Isak sighed. He wasn’t going to, but Camilla was right. He had some confessing to do, and talking to his therapist usually lightened the load on his chest.

“It’s just that. It was - would have been - me and Tom’s one year anniversary and it was a hard day.”

Camilla nodded again. She stayed silent, she let Isak collect his thoughts. Isak rolled his sleeve up, uncovering his wrist and four short cuts on it, side by side. Superficial cuts. He had been practising with fruit first, then with pieces of meat, and now he knew how to handle the blades.

“It helped”, Isak sighed, looking at the scars. Stroking them with his thumb. “I made one for Tom. One for Even. One for me, and one for good measure.”

“Was this the only time?”

Isak nodded. Camilla smiled at him, encouragingly.

“That’s a big step, Isak. Especially during the holidays, considering your history with them.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t know. I wanted to tell Even but I couldn’t. Eskild was out, too. So I..” Isak sighed. This was so fucking embarrassing and immature and stupid. “I took a picture and sent it to Tom. I don’t know why, I hadn’t talked to him since we broke up. I just wanted him to know.” Isak’s pitch got higher, dryer. “I wrote ‘happy anniversary’ and pressed send and then I wanted to take it back but it was too late.”

“How did Tom respond?”

“Thank god he didn’t.” Isak pulled his leg up on the chair, against his chest. Tom was many things, but he never did anything to deliberately hurt Isak. Isak pulled the sleeve back down, covering the marks.

“Even got a job yesterday”, he said. There was pride in his voice, and in his heart as well. His beautiful tormented boy got an actual job. “Only a part time gig, but he’s happy with it. His new medication seems to be working but a full time job would be a bit much, right?”

Camilla nodded.

“He’s been having a rough year as well.”

“Yeah. You could say that.” It felt a bit weird to talk about Even’s life with someone he didn’t know, but Camilla had confidentiality. She wouldn’t tell anybody. “But yeah, if you’d like a mean latte I recommend the Coffee Hut downtown.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Isak pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket. It was worn out and battered from being carried along for months, but it was still in one piece. A bit like Isak himself, actually, he noted. He unfolded it. It was a used envelope with writing on the backside.

“I have this in my phone too. But it feels more..I don’t know, real? When I’m holding the original list.” The list of reasons why he can’t have a romantic relationship with Even. He turned it around and showed it to Camilla. “Already halfway there. If Even keeps his job until summer I get to cross one more item over.”

“How about your own list?” Camilla asked. Isak touched his wrist instinctively.

“It’s..a work in progress. I’m hoping to check something off it soon as well.”

Camilla made a note on her pad and lowered it again.

“You know what, Isak? I think you will. You have made very good progress these past months, regardless of some relapses. Do you feel like you’re taking back control of your life and actions? Because to me it really seems like you are.”

Isak pondered for a moment. How was he doing, really? He had hurt himself again this week, but only once, and for kind of a reason. He had built healthier coping mechanisms. He went out again, saw other people, had fun, there were days when he was actually happy. Sure, he was exhausted after those days, but still, they existed. He had gotten used to his medication and the side effects had worn off. He was starting to come to terms with his shame.

“Yes”, Isak finally said. “I do.”

It felt like a turning point. It was weird and enormous and small and horrible and wonderful at the same time. It was like a switch was flicked and something was started. He was running, operating, working. There still was a lot of work to do, but now he could actually start doing it properly.

“What are you thinking about?” Camilla asked.

Isak smiled a little.

“The future.”

After the session Isak stepped out on the street. It was cold, and a few small flakes of snow floated down from the black sky. Isak took his phone out and gave it a couple of taps.

CALLING  
Even


End file.
